The air was tense way back home. I tried not to assume his thoughts but just like a cartoon he almost carried a bubble sign of REPLACED over his head.
Now we laugh about but at that moment I felt judged, insufficient and (can´t believe my own words) unloyal!
Yeah! I battled against my conception of love: should I give up the whole vibrator thing and keep making love until, someday finally my vagina realizes "Aw, so the big fellow´s supposed to make me tremble"?
I was embarrased of the cliché "It´s not you, it´s me!" But it actually was me!
He did wonderful from head to toes and I knew I was near my limit every single time but used to stop myself, shuddering, crying and frustrated "I can´t come", refusing to go further.
Back to our silent journey I understood I have nothing to say or do. The idea was out there wandering until someone dared to embrace it.
"I have no trouble trying new things", I stated.
"Me neither", his lips replied in total asynchrony with his vibe. Yeah! I could sensed it!
I overcame the anxiety listing mentally Terry Cole-Whittaker´s book titles in this order!
What You Think of Me is None of My Business
How to Have More in a Have Not World
Every Saint Has a Past, Every Sinner a Future
Dare to Be Great
Live Your Bliss
Inner Path from the Goddess Within
He solved his inner demons while the bus gently approached my home. I think my silence and non-resistance to negotiating (even if it is my body, my pleasure, damn it!) served the cause.
I thank God each day for that virtue I appreciate above all in men (and people): The capability to learn, to expand their vision...
We stopped feeling uncomfortable when we began talking about how uncomfortable we felt!
The most amazing thing was he also felt insufficient! He hated for an instant my friend Maria and the "great" idea of asking advice. Then we started chattering about shopping together (I tell you later the tale about sex-shops).
We did and I deal with the akwardness in explaining (and facing) my preferences: "No, honey, it´s so human-like! That one is too obvious... Be polite, it´s my first vibe... ehmm, that one is so tiny"
First he begged to watch but the more we visit sex-shops the more he asked for the remote control to include himself in the activity!
The truth is we procastinated buying it (there are lots of stuff I may buy with 69.99 USD, for God´s sake!)
The truth is we procastinated buying it (there are lots of stuff I may buy with 69.99 USD, for God´s sake!)
A month later, after reading half of The Multiorgasmic Man, however I claimed the "O thing" to be my Own Thing, we were making out.
Picture this: in bed, nothing special prepared, just the two of us deep into each others sensations... I falled for goOd (the word "cOme" doesn´t match what I´m trying to say -not enough O´s)
Picture this: in bed, nothing special prepared, just the two of us deep into each others sensations... I falled for goOd (the word "cOme" doesn´t match what I´m trying to say -not enough O´s)
I was gone for a few seconds and then open my eyes wide to ask "Did I just...?"
He nodded astonished and hold me tight really moved (I was excited and he was moved! Aw, sweet man of mine!)
"Can we still get the vibrating thong?", he whispered hopefully.
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